Your mouths intertwine and you savour his taste as though it were an exquisite delicacy. You feel the softness of his lips. The wetness of his mouth that you can’t help but surrender to. Your eyes are closed to heighten every sensation. Each caress sends shivers down your spine or gives you goose bumps. And those hands… His hands spread heat over every inch of your body. You feel his breaths move to the rhythm of your own as they create the most amazing of melodies. You open your eyes, seeking out one of those penetrating gazes. But what about feeling self-conscious? …Right now, you’re not even sure what that means.
You feel his breaths move to the rhythm of your own as they create the most amazing of melodies. (…) But what about feeling self-conscious? …Right now, you’re not even sure what that means.
That moment, after intense personal growth, where you finally free yourself from the burdens of the past, healing any wounds stemming from guilt, shame, anger and fear. You leave behind your expectations and frustrations, and your self-esteem no longer relies on the approval of others. That moment where you go above and beyond to show your worth as a lover, when your mind relinquishes the words that punish, judge and tear you up inside. When you forget about what should be and focus on what is. When you stop comparing yourself to porn films, statistics and lurid headlines. When you finally stop rushing through life to avoid your emotions and you’re ready to contemplate just about anything. When you disembark from the train of here and now, which so many of us climb aboard nowadays. When you open yourself up to experimentation. When you decide to live.
When your mind relinquishes the words that punish, judge and tear you up inside. When you forget about what should be and focus on what is.
That’s when sex reaches another dimension and becomes an insatiable memory generator based on sensations that escape our understanding. Sensations that dance alongside our emotions. Emotions that make you tremble.
Living in the sexual moment means shifting your attention to the present. Each caress, touch and movement transcends the physical and becomes more intense. All of our senses unite to enrich each erotic second. And this experience can either be enjoyed alone…or with a partner. Learning to make our sexuality compatible with somebody else’s is certainly possible, as we adapt to their rhythms and techniques. However, there’s also a sense of instinct that takes over and plays a more crucial role – something you feel when your mind is open that goes far beyond mechanical sex. That one thing that makes you crave his smell. That smell and no other. His taste and no other. His texture, his temperature …and no other. And vice versa. Smells, tastes, textures and temperatures that you might initially find unpleasant can sometimes serve as the most incredible aphrodisiac alternative.
There’s also a sense of instinct that takes over and plays a more crucial role (…) That one thing that makes you crave his smell. That smell and no other. His taste and no other. His texture, his temperature …and no other
Have you ever felt that connection with someone? Or with yourself?
Experiencing sex when you’re fully alert and all of your senses are engaged turns each encounter into a unique experience. And while that doesn’t mean that you won’t sometimes want faster, more genital-focused sex, being able to choose is what makes all the difference.
What about you? How do you want to experience your sexuality?
Psychologist and sexologist at the Institut Gomà and director of the School of Sexuality, where she organizes workshops on sexuality and other events centred on eroticism. She’s also a specialist in erotic growth and sexual leadership, as well as co-founder and tutor of the Master’s degree in Sexual and Couple’s Growth. She’s also the founder the work group on sexuality and couples at the Official College of Psychologists of Catalonia (COPC). She’s the founder and manager of Placer ConSentido (a sex positive erotic shop which rejects gender stereotypes), and author of the book Placer ConSentido.